Over the years, I have had a number of friends pass away, some quickly and some slowly. In each case I found that no matter what the spouse did, it was never good enough to my friends parents. I heard complaints that they were incapable of caring for them, they were slobs, they did not love them. The list goes on and none are really that flattering. The thing is, a parent should never have to watch their baby suffer, they should not have to watch a slow death. So judgement and feelings towards the spouse can be skewed and clouded due their grief of not being able to stop the pain or cure the incurable disease.
It seems that they only see the negative impact watching your loved one die can have on you. They see your bouts of depression as a weakness, that you don't love your wife. They don't see that you too are having a very hard time adjusting to watching the love of your life die a slow death.
My message to anyone who is faced with the horrible reality of living with a terminal disease is this. Sit down and have a frank discussion with your spouse and any in-law that is considering moving in to "help". If there is any hidden animosity or distrust it can be magnified 10 fold by their grief and what started out as a great thing can turn into something that could lead to some very difficult decisions.
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